故人原来的小说：该录像节选自122 TheOne With the Ick Factor
[Scene Central Perk, everyone’s there.]
Monica: What you guys don’t understand is, for us, kissing is as
important as any part of it.
Joey:Would youlet it go Ross. It was just a dream. It doesn’t
Joey: Yeah, right!…….Y’serious?
(Ross’sbeeper goes off)
Phoebe: Oh, yeah!
Ross:Oh, oh. Oh,oh. Oh this is it. Oh my god it’s baby time. Baby
Rachel: Everything you need to know is in that first kiss.
Joey:All right,relax, relax. Just relax, just relax. Be cool, be
(Ross dials anumber on hiscellularphone)
Chandler: Yeah, I think for us, kissing is pretty much like an
opening act, y’know? I mean it’s like the stand-up comedian you have to
sit through (v. 一贯挺到停止；耐着性格看完) before Pink Floyd
Ross:(on phone)Yeah, hi, I was just beeped. (pause) No, Andr?is not
here. (to Joey) Third time today. (on phone) Yes, I’m sure… No, sir. I
don’t perform those kind of services.
Ross: Yeah, and-and it’s not that we don’t like the comedian, it’s
that-that… that’s not why we bought the ticket.
Joey:Services?(Ross looks at him) Oh, services.
Chandler: The problem is, though, aftert he concert’s over, no
matter how great the show was, you girls are always looking for the
comedian ([kə’midɪən] a. professional performer who tells jokes
and performs comical acts) again, y’know? I mean, we’re in the car,
we’re fighting traffic… basically just trying to stay awake.
Ross:(on phone)Yeah, you want 55-JUMBO. Yeah, that’s right. That’s
right, JUMBO with a U, sir.(pause) No, belive me, you don’t want me.
Judging by his number, I’d be a huge disappointment. (pause) All
rightie, bye bye.
Rachel: Yeah, well, word of advice: Bring back the comedian.
Otherwise next time you’re gonna find yourself sitting at home,
listening to that album alone.
(Phoebe andChandler enter)
Joey: (pause)….Are we still talking about sex?
Joey:Hey, hey.How was the first day?
Phoebe:Oh,exellent. Everyone was so, so nice.
[Scene: Museum of Prehistoric History, Ross and a co-worker (Marsha)
are setting up an exhibit which includes some mannequins of cave
Chandler:See, it paysto know the man who wears my shoes. (Joey and
Ross wonder what he means) Me.
Ross: No, it’s good, it is good, it’s just that- mm- doesn’t she
seem a little angry?
Phoebe:No, I didn’t tell anybody that I knew you.
Marsha: Well, she has issues.
Ross: Does she？
Phoebe:Oh, because,you know… they don’t like you.
Marsha: He’s out banging [bæŋ]other women over the head
with a club (指在跟别的女士鬼混), while she sits at home trying
to get the mastodon [‘mæstə,dɑn]乳齿象 smell out of the
carpet（[‘kɑrpɪt]vt. 在…上铺地毯：n. 地毯）!去除味道
Ross: Marsha, these are cave people. Okay? They have issues like
‘Gee（[dʒi]int. 向右！前进！快！）, that glacier’s getting kinda
Phoebe:I thought you knew that.
Marsha: Speaking of issues, isn’t that your ex-wife?
Chandler:Noho. Who doesn’t they like me?
(Carol, Ross’s ex-wife, has entered behind them and is standing outstide
Phoebe:Everyone.Except for uh… no everyone.
Ross: (trying to ignore her) No. No.
Chandler:What are youtalking about?
Marsha: Yes, it is. Carol! Hi!
Phoebe:Don’t feel bad. You know they used to like you a lot. But
then you got promoted, and, you know, now you’re like “Mr. Boss Man”.
You know, Mr. Bing. Mr. Bing,”Boss Man Bing”.
Ross: Okay, okay, yes, it is. (waves) How about I’ll, uh, catch up
with you in the Ice Age.
(Joey andRoss laughs)
(Marsha extis and Ross waves Carol into the exhibit.)
Chandler:I can’tbelive it.
Phoebe:Yeah, yeah.They even do you.
Chandler:They do me?
Phoebe:You know like… uh okay… uh… ‘Could that reportbeany
Ross: You look great. I, uh… I hate that.
(Joey and Ross laughs)
Carol: Sorry. You look good too.
Chandler:I don’t sound like that.
Ross: Ah, well, in here, anyone who… stands
in position or posture）… So what’s new? Still, uh…
Ross:Oh, oh Chandler…
Carol: A lesbian?
Joey:Oh… Yeah,you do.
Ross: Well… you never know. How’s, um.. how’s the family?
Ross:‘The hills were alive with the soundofmusic.’
Carol: Marty’s still totally paranoid（ n./v.
an irrational and obsessive distrust of others）. Oh, and, uh-
(Phoebe, Joeyand Ross laughs)
Ross: Why- why are you here, Carol?
Joey:(reaches for his scones) My scones.
Carol: I’m pregnant.
Phoebe, Joey,and Ross: ‘My scones.’
(Phoebe, Joey and Ross laughs again)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel’s, Chandler, Joey, Phoebe, and Monica are
watching Three’s Company.]
Chandler:Okay, I don’t sound like that. That is sonottrue.
Chandler: Oh, I think this is the episode（[‘ɛpɪsod] n. a
happening that is distinctive in a series of related events） of
Three’s Company where there’s some kind of misunderstanding（n.
putting the wrong interpretation on）.
(Joey and Chandler laughs)
Phoebe:…Then I’ve already seen this one! (Turns off the TV.)
Chandler:That is sonot…That is sonot… That… Oh, shut
Monica: (taking a drink from Joey) Are you through with
that?(are you okay)
(Phoebe, Joeyand Ross laugh)
Joey: Yeah, sorry, the swallowing(n. [生理] 吞咽) slowed me
down.(v. cause to proceed more slowly) They also help people
who want to modify accents or who have swallowing difficulties
Monica: Whose little ball of paper 小纸团is this?!
Chandler: Oh, uh, that would be mine. See, I wrote a note to myself,
and then I realised I didn’t need it, so I balled it up（make a
mess of, destroy or ruin） and… (sees that Monica is glaring at
him) …now I wish I was dead.
(Monica starts to fluff a pillow.)
Phoebe: She’s already fluffed that pillow… Monica, you know,
you’ve already fluffed that- (Monica glares at her.) -but, it’s fine!
Monica: Look , I’m sorry, guys, I just don’t wanna give them any
more ammunition（n. information that can be used to attack or defend
a claim or argument or viewpoint） than they already have.
Chandler: Yes, and we all know how
cruel( adj. (of persons or
their actions) able or disposed to inflict 给予（打击等) pain or
suffering ) a parent can be about the flatness ( [‘flætnɪs]n.
the property of having little or no contrast; lacking highlights or
gloss) of a child’s pillow.
Phoebe: Monica- Hi! Um, Monica, you’re scaring me. I mean, you’re
like, you’re like all chaotic
（[ke’ɑtɪk] adj lacking a
visible order or organization）and
twirly（twirl v turn in a
twisting or spinning motion）. And not-not in a good way.
Joey: Yeah, calm down. You don’t see Ross getting all chaotic and
twirly every time they come.
Monica: That’s because as far as my parents are concerned, Ross
can do no wrong. Y’see, he’s the Prince.
Apparently（ad [ə’pærəntli] adv from
appearances alone）they had some（[sʌm;səm]） big ceremony
before I was born.
Chandler: (looking out the window) Ew, ew, ew, ew ew ew ew ew!
Chandler: Ugly Naked Guy got a Thighmaster!美腿器
(Rachel enters from her room.)
Rachel: Has anybody seen my engagement
（ [ɪn’ɡedʒmənt] n a mutual
promise to marry）ring?
Phoebe: Yeah, it’s beautiful.
Rachel: Oh God, oh God, oh God oh God oh God oh God…. (Starts to
look under the couch cushions.)
Phoebe: No, look, don’t touch that!别动他们
Rachel: Oh, like I wasn’t
dreading （[drɛd] v be
afraid or scared of; be frightened of）tomorrow enough, having to
give it back to him… ‘Hi Barry! Remember me? I’m the girl in the
veil（ [vel] n a garment
that covers the head and face） who
stomped（ [stɑmp] v walk
heavily） on跺脚，践踏，重踏 your heart in front of
当着…的面your entire family!’ Oh God and now I’m gonna have to return
the ring, without the ring, which makes it so much harder…in the
front of 在前部
Monica: Easy Rach, we’ll find it. (To all) Won’t we!
Chandler and Joey: Oh! Yeah!
Joey: Alright, when’d’ya have it on last?
Phoebe: Doy!（What a stupid question!The answer is
obvious） Probably right before she lost it!
Chandler: You don’t get a lot of ‘doy’ these days…
Rachel: I know I had it this morning, and I know I had it when I was
in the kitchen with…
Rachel: (looks at the lasagne and realizes something) Ohhhhh, don’t
Monica: You didn’t.
Rachel: Oh, I am sorry…
Monica: I gave you one job!小编就给了你一件工作你还干成这么！ (Starts
to examin the lasagne through the bottom of the glass pan.)
Rachel: Oh, but look how straight those noodles are!
Chandler: Now, Monica, you know that’s not how you look for an
engagement ring in a
lasagne（ [ləˈsɑnjə] n baked
dish of layers of lasagna 烤宽面条 pasta with sauce and cheese and meat
Monica: (puts down the lasagne) I just… can’t do it.
Chandler: Boys? We’re going in.
(Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe start to pick through the lasagne as there’s
a knock on the door which Monica answers.)
Ross: (standing outside the door)…..Hi.
Monica: Wow. That is not a happy hi.
Ross: Carol’s pregnant.
Phoebe: (while everyone else is stunned) Ooh! I found it!
Monica: W-w-wh-… wha-… w-w-w-…
Ross: Yeah. Do that for another two hours, you might be where I am
right about now. (He enters.)笔者未来那样
Chandler: Kinda puts that whole pillow thing in perspective
正确地, huh, Mon?
Rachel: Well now, how-how do you fit into适应 this whole thing?
Ross: Well, Carol says she and Susan want me to be involved, but if
I’m not comfortable with it, I don’t have to be
essence; at bottom or by one’s (or its) very nature) it’s totally up
Phoebe: She is so great! I miss her.
Monica: What does she mean by ‘involved’?
Chandler: I mean
presumably([prɪ’zuməbli] adv by
reasonable assumption), the biggest part of your job is done.
Ross: Anyway, they want me to go down
( vmove downward and lower,
but not necessarily all the way) to this-
image of a structure that is produced by ultrasonography (reflections of
high-frequency sound waves); used to observe fetal growth or to study
bodily organs0 thing with them tomorrow.
Rachel: So what are you gonna do?
Ross: I have no idea. No matter what I do, though, I’m still
gonna be a father.
(Joey starts to eat the rest of the lasagne and everyone turns and
stares at him.)
Joey: …..Well, this is still ruined, right?
[Scene, Monica and Rachel’s, Monica and Ross are pouring wine for their
Mrs. Geller: Oh, Martha Ludwin’s daughter is gonna call you. (Tastes
a snack) Mmm! What’s that
curry( [‘kɝi]n(East Indian
cookery) a pungent dish of vegetables or meats flavored with curry
powder and usually eaten with rice) taste?
Mrs. Geller: Mmmm!
Ross: I- I think they’re great! I, I really do.
Mr. Geller: (To Ross) Do you remember the Ludwins? The big one had
a thing for you,对……有众人周知的青眼 didn’t she?
Mrs. Geller: They all had a thing for him.
Ross: Aw, Mom…
Monica: I’m sorry, why is this girl going to call me?
Mrs. Geller: Oh, she just graduated, and she wants to be something
in cooking, or food, or…. I don’t know. Anyway, I told her you had a
Monica: No Mom, I don’t have a restaurant, I work in a restaurant.
Mrs. Geller: Well, they don’t have to know that… (She starts to
fluff the same pillow Monica fluffed multiple times earlier.)
Monica: Ross, could you come and help me with the
served with a tomato sauce), please?
Ross: Yeah. (They go to the kitchen.)
Mrs. Geller: Oh, we’re having spaghetti! That’s…. easy.
Monica: I know this is going to sound unbelievably selfish, but,
were you planning on(vt. 打算，计划 )bringing up(If you bring up a
particular subject, you introduce it into a discussion or
conversation) the whole baby/lesbian thing? Because I think it might
take some of the heat off me.减轻一点自身的下压力。
[Time Lapse, everyone is now eating.]
Mrs. Geller: What that Rachel did to her life…. We ran into (If
you run into someone, you meet them unexpectedly)her parents at the
club, they were not playing very well.
Mr. Geller: I’m not gonna tell you what they spent on that
wedding… but forty thousand dollars is a lot of money!
Mrs. Geller: Well, at least she had the chance to leave a man at
the altar（ [‘ɔltɚ]n a
raised structure on which gifts or sacrifices to a god are made）...
Monica: What’s that supposed to mean?
Mrs. Geller: Nothing! It’s an expression.
Monica: No it’s not.
Mr. Geller: Don’t listen to your mother. You’re independent, and you
always have been! Even when you were a kid… and you were
chubby（ [‘tʃʌbi] a. slightly fat in a way that looks healthy and
attractive）, and you had no friends, you were just fine! And you
would read alone in your room, and your
puzzles([pʌzls] n a game
that tests your ingenuity)…
Mr. Geller: Look, there are people like Ross who need to shoot for
(shoot at, v have an ambitious
plan or a lofty goal)the stars设立远大目的, with his museum, and his
papers getting published（发挥很好）. Other people are satisfied
with staying where they are安于现状– I’m telling you, these are the
people who never get cancer.
Mr. Geller: …And I read about（read
of，阅读有关…的小说(或书籍)） these women trying to have it
all（adj. 全部的；adv. 全然地；越发；n. 全部；pron. 全部）, and I
thank God ‘Our Little Harmonica’ doesn’t seem to have that problem.
Monica: (trying desperately to change the subject) So, Ross,
what’s going on with you? Any stories? (Digs her elbow into his
hand.) No news, no little anecdotes（[‘ænɪk,dot] n.A short, amusing
true story ） to share with the
folks( [fok] n. people
descended from a common ancestor)?
Ross: (pulls his hand away) Okay! Okay. (To his parents) Look, I,
uh- I realise you guys have been wondering what exactly happened between
Carol and me, and, so, well, here’s the deal你看这么好倒霉. Carol’s
a lesbian. She’s living with a woman named Susan. She’s pregnant with
my child, and she and Susan are going to raise the baby.
(Stunned silence ensues.)
Mrs. Geller: (To Monica) And you knew about this?!
[Scene: Central Park, everyone’s there.]
Joey: Your folks are really that bad, huh?
Ross: Well, y’know, these people are
pros（n an athlete who plays
for pay）. They know what they’re doing, they take their time, they
get the job done.
Monica: Boy, I know they say you can’t change your parents,…
boy, if you could- (To Ross) -I’d want yours.
Ross: Must pee. (Goes to pee.)
Phoebe: Y’know, it’s even worse when you’re twins.
Rachel: You’re twins?
Phoebe: Yeah. We don’t speak. She’s like this high-powered（a.
vigorously energetic or forceful）, driven career
Chandler: What does she do?
Phoebe: She’s a waitress.
Rachel: All right, you guys, I kinda gotta clean up
(vput (things or places) in
order) now. (They all start to leave.)
Monica: Chandler, you’re an only child, right?你是独生女？ You
don’t have any of this.
Chandler: Well, no, although I did have an
imaginary （ [ɪ’mædʒɪnɛri]adj not
based on fact; unreal）friend, who… my parents actually preferred.
Rachel: The lights, please..
(Joey turns off the lights, and they all leave as Rachel starts to clean
up. Ross enters from the bathroom.)
Ross: …How long was I in there?
Rachel: I’m just cleaning up.
Ross: D’ya.. uh.. Do you need any help?
Rachel: Uh.. okay, sure! Thanks! (She hands him the broom and sits
Ross: Anyway.. um.. (Starts to sweep.) So, you- uh- you nervous
about Barry tomorrow?
Rachel: Oh.. a little..
Rachel: A lot.
Rachel: So, got any advice? Y’know, as someone who’s recently
dumped（v sever断绝 all
ties with, usually unceremoniously随便地 or irresponsibly）?
Ross: Well, you may wanna
steer(v direct (oneself)
somewhere) clear of 避开 the word ‘dumped’.
Chances（n a possibility due
to a favorable combination of circumstances） are he’s gonna be this,
this broken shell贝壳 of a man痛哭流涕, y’know, so you should try
not to look too
terrific（[tə’rɪfɪk] adj extraordinarily
good or great ; used especially as intensifiers）, I know it’ll be
hard. Or, y’know, uh, hey!, I’ll go down there, and I’ll give Barry back
his ring, and you can go with Carol and Susan to the OB/GYN…
Rachel: Oh, you’ve got Carol tomorrow.. When did it get so
Ross: Got me.
Rachel: Remember when we were in high school together?
Rachel: I mean, didn’t you think you were just gonna meet somone,
fall in love- and that’d be it? (Ross gazes at her.) ..Ross?
Ross: Yes, yes!
Rachel: Oh! Man, I never thought I’d be here.. (She leans back onto
Ross: Me either… (He pulls up a stool so that he doesn’t have to
move his hand.)
[Scene: Carol’s OB/GYN, Carol is waiting.]
Ross: (entering) Sorry I’m late, I was stuck（a. something that’s
frozen or fixed in one place and can’t be moved. ） at work. There was
this big dinosaur [ˈdaɪnəˌsɔr].. thing.. anyway.
(Susan enters holding a drink.)
Carol: Ross, you remember Susan.
Ross: How could I forget?
Ross: (they shake hands) Hello, Susan. (To Carol) Good shake. Good
shake. So, uh, we’re just waiting for…?
Carol: Dr. Oberman.
Ross: ..Dr. Oberman. Okay. And is he-
Ross: -she, of course, she- uh- familiar with our.. special
Carol: Yes, and she’s very supportive.
Ross: Okay, that’s great. (Susan gives her drink to Carol.) No, I’m-
Ross: (picks up a surgical instrament and mimes a duck with it)
Carol: Ross? That opens my cervix. (He drops it in horror.)
[Scene Barry’s office, Barry is working on patient, Robbie, as Rachel
Barry: Come in.
Rachel: (hesitates) Are you sure?
Barry: Yeah! It’s fine, it’s fine. Robbie’s gonna be here for hours.
Barry: So, how ya doin?
Rachel: I’m- uh- I’m okay… You look great!
Barry: Yeah, well..
Bernice: (over intercom) Dr. Farber, Jason Greenstein’s gagging.
Barry: (answering the intercom) Be right there. (To Robbie and
Rachel) Be back in a sec.
(As Barry exits Robbie stares at Rachel.)
Rachel: I dumped him.
[Scene: Carol’s OB/GYN, they’re talking about how this is going to
Ross: So, um- so how’s this, uh, how’s this gonna work? Y’know, with
us? Y’know, when, like, important decisions have to be made?
Carol: Give me a ‘for instance’.
Ross: Well, uh, uh, I don’t know, okay, okay, how about with the,
uh, with the baby’s name?
Carol: -if it’s a boy, Minnie if it’s a girl.
Ross: …As in Mouse?
Carol: As in my grandmother.
Ross: Still, you- you say Minnie, you hear Mouse. Um, how about,
um.. how about Julia?
Susan: We agreed on Minnie.
Ross: ‘S’funny, um, uh, we agreed we’d spend the rest of our lives
together. Things change, roll with the punches. I believe Julia’s on the
[Scene: Barry’s office, Rachel is doing her makeup in the mirror on
Barry’s lamp as Barry enters.]
Barry: Sorry about that. So. What have you been up to?
Rachel: Oh, not much. I-I got a job.
Barry: Oh, that’s great.
Rachel: Why are- why are you so tanned?
Barry: Oh, I, uh- I went to Aruba.
Rachel: Oh no. You went on our honeymoon alone?
Barry: No. I went with, uh.. Now, this may hurt.
Barry: No! (To Rachel) I went with Mindy.
Rachel: Mindy?! My maid of honour, Mindy?!
Barry: Yeah, well, uh, we’re kind of a thing now.
Rachel: Oh! Well, um.. (Grabs his forehand) You’ve got plugs!
Barry: Careful! They haven’t quite taken yet.
Rachel: And you’ve got lenses! But you hate sticking your finger in
Barry: Not for her. Listen, I really wanted to thank you.
Barry: See, about a month ago, I wanted to hurt you. More than I’ve
ever wanted to hurt anyone in my life. And I’m an orthodontist.
Barry: You know, you were right? I mean, I thought we were happy. We
weren’t happy. But with Mindy, now I’m happy. Spit.
Robbie: Me. (Spits.)
Rachel: Anyway, um, (Gets the ring out of her purse.) I guess this
belongs to you. And thank you for giving it to me.
Barry: Well, thank you for giving it back.
(Barry and Rachel look at each other.)
[Scene: Carol’s OB/GYN, they’re still arguing about what to name the
Susan: Oh, please! What’s wrong with Helen?
Ross: Helen Geller? I don’t think so.
Carol: Hello? It’s not gonna be Helen Geller.
Ross: Thank you!
Carol: No, I mean it’s not Geller.
Ross: What, it’s gonna be Helen Willick?
Carol: No, actually, um, we talked about Helen Willick-Bunch.
Ross: Well, wait a minute, wha- why is she in the title?
Susan: It’s my baby too.
Ross: Oh, ‘s’funny, really? Um, I don’t remember you making any
Susan: Yeah, and we all know what a challenge that is!
Carol: All right, you two, stop it!
Ross: No no no, she gets a credit, hey, I’m in there too.
Carol: Ross. You’re not actually suggesting Helen
Willick-Bunch-Geller? ‘Cause I think that borders on child abuse.
Ross: Of course not, I’m… suggesting Geller-Willick-Bunch.
Susan: Oh, no, nonononono, you see what he’s doing? He knows
no-one’s gonna say all those names, so they’ll wind up calling her
Geller, then he gets his way!
Ross: My way?! You-you think this is my way? Believe me, of all the
ways I ever imagined this moment in my life being, this is not my way-
y’know what? Uh, um, this is too hard. I’m not, I can’t do-
Dr. Oberman: (entering) Knock knock!How are we today? Any nausea?
All: Yeah. Yeah. A little.
Dr. Oberman: Well, I was just wondering about the mother-to-be,
but.. thanks for sharing. (To Carol) Uh, lie back..
Ross: You- uh- y’know what, I’m gonna go. I don’t- I don’t think I
can be involved in this particular thing right now.
(He turns to go, but the sound of the sonogram catches hes ear. He
returns and stares at it.)
Ross: Oh my God.
Susan: Look at that.
Carol: I know.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel’s apartment, everyone is watching the tape of
the sonogram. Rachel is on the phone.]
Ross: Well? Isn’t that amazing?
Joey: What are we supposed to be seeing here?
Chandler: I don’t know, but.. I think it’s about to attack the
Phoebe: You know, if you tilt your head to the left, and relax your
eyes, it kinda looks like an old potato.
Ross: Then don’t do that, alright?
Ross: (walks over to where Monica is standing) Monica. What do
Monica: (welling up) Mm-hmm.
Ross: Wh- are you welling up?
Ross: You are, you’re welling up.
Monica: Am not!
Ross: You’re gonna be an aunt.
Monica: (pushes him and starts to cry) Oh shut up!
Rachel: (on phone) Hi, Mindy. Hi, it-it’s Rachel. Yeah, I’m fine.
I-I saw Barry today. Oh, yeah, yeah he-he told me. No, no, it’s okay. I
hope you two are very happy, I really do. Oh, oh, and Mind, y’know,
if-if everything works out, and you guys end up getting married and
having kids- and everything- I just hope they have his old hairline and
your old nose. (Slams the phone down.) (To everyone) Okay, I know it was
a cheap shot, but I feel so much better now.